Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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