Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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