You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
