Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
