When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
