So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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