I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
