I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
