I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
