checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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