drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
