just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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