If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
