I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize