mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
