So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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