party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
