Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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