my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
