I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
