highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
