I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
