I'm really into asian looking animals
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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