tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
