Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
