You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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