I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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