Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
