would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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