Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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