yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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