Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize