I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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