ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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