If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
