The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
