We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
