can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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