Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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