; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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