No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
