it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
