i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
