to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
