Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
