Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
