I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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