I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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