i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
