woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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