On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pooping to opera.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
