While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
