How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
