What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
