I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
