i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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