I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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