I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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