remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
