they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
