Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
