I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
