Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
