Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
should my penis look like a turkey
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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