put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he told me I talked like a deaf person
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
