hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
