Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
