I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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