OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
