If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
