We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
