awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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