My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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