I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize