Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
