If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
