Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
