Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
