OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
