That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
