alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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